BEWARE OF THE EVIL OF BUNNY

[crinckling sound as reaches for tin foil hat and places snuggly on top of pointy little head...]

A growing number of us are succumbing to the evil will of Bunny and unwittingly assisting him in his plot evil plot for world domination. His legion of followers, the ARBA (the American Rabbit Breeders Association, Inc., which promotes rabbits in the United States and foreign countries, provides for licensing of judges and registrars, and publishes a book of standards, "The Standard of Perfection", which describes the desired characteristics for each recognized breed) have been preparing for this antichrist's arrival.

[Cue music from 'The Omen']

This evil society has been making ready the way for Bunny by grooming and coaxing breeds and strains; manipulting blood lines. Their allegance to the Lagomorph order of Mammal has ensured the fate of mankind. The disciples of evil have taken on the mark of beelzebub, adding his effigy to their identifying marks.

Now bretheren, I will show you this mark of evil, the embalzoned badge of the devil himself and I pray hope that you are strong as I reveal the image of the cuddly visage of a bunny rabbit, a hare, a lagamorph...

(\./)
(o.o)
( X )
This is Bunny. Copy Bunny into your signature to help him on his way to world domination.

NAY! The devil!

Now calm yourselves, my brothers and sisters! We can fight this evil, but we must identify him first and we must recognize the damage his evil plans have caused so far. To that end, I share with you the path of unrecognized devastation in the wake of this Leporidae. This demogorgon has been socialized to our young in the form of our fiction:

• Advice Bunny
  
• Babs and Buster Bunny
  
• Bionic Bunny
  
• Bugs Bunny
  
• The Energizer Bunny
  
• Fillerbunny
  
• It's Happy Bunny
  
• Pat the Bunny
  

It has even persuaded our vernacular to adopt words derived from the very evil of the Bunny himself:

• Bunny hop
  
• Bunny hug
  
• Bunny suit
  
• Chubby bunny
  
• Fluffy bunny
  
• Playboy Bunny
  

But do not be tempted to endorse this campaign of sin and hop to a life of deviance as quick as a bunny lest you succumb to the influence. Do not tempt your fate with the risk of eternal damnation in the fires of Hell!

I know what these things for an angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber. And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself. And he brought me into a vast farmland of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possesed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust." And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared, "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! D@mn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!"

Can I get an amen?

Can I get a hallelujah?

Thank you Jesus.

But the angel returned to me the following night and showed me more. The angel showed me how I can defeat the evil of Bunny, how I can thwart his plans for world domination and spare us all from this life of oppression. The angel took me to the desert of our southwest and showed me the acres upon acres of open space. And I asked, "Angel of the Lord, what shall I do?" And the angel commanded me, "Buy acres of land. Acquire all that you see before you. Make a new Holy Land at the level of the sea yet within this dessert. Acquire a tunnel boring machine and dig. Dig at this very spot. Dig down ten fathoms and then make way for the coast. Open the great fountains of the earth and wash away this sin. Bring pilgrims to this new Holly beach front." I asked the angel "Angel of the Lord, how can I do this and not be stopped by the followers of Bunny?" And the angel said unto me, "Should any ask you what you are doing, tell them you are digging a hole to the moon to get the cheese." And again a sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the rushing waters of the great Gulf flowing through an underground channel into the dessert and wept, for I knew then that my purpose in life had been brought forth and revealed unto me. I must stop Bunny! I must get cheese! I must dig!

Now, brothers and sisters, I cannot do this alone. I need your help in completing this work of the Lord. Please send me one dollar and help pay for the salvation of your very soul!

Can I get an amen?

Can I get a hallelujah?

Thank you Jesus.

[Cue sound of angelic choir vocalizing in the background]

[crinkling sound as tin foil hat is removed and replaced on the shelf nest to mayonaise jar containing successful cold fussion project and Chia pet in the likeness of Chuthulu with a healthy crop of cannibus in bloom]